In case you are planning to become a parent and think about giving your child one or more second names, let me give you an advice: don’t.

I got a second name and I’d love to be rid of it, if it wasn’t so complicated. First off, usually you never actually use your second name. I don’t know anyone of my friend who has a second name that would be used popularly. We all call them by their first name, even if there are conflicts because every second person in Germany is called “Michael” or “Andreas”.

In polish tradition you get a second name at baptizm. So I have a second name that hardly anz of my friends know, none can pronounce it properly and it was given to me by an institution I don’t care about.

The only places that care about your second name are officials. They force you to specify all your names even if you don’t use them at all and whine around if you leave names out that you never use. Worse still, they even manage to fuck them up. My sister used to have her name typed incorrectly in her passport (!) and my bank still thinks that my second name is devoid of any vocals.

And worse still, if your child decides to go to a foreign country, he or she does not only have one name that get’s misspelled and they have to spell it out, but two of them. Awesome.

Do your child a favor and spare him or her from this.